This week I’ve been celebrating our anniversary and because of that I’ve been focusing on topics related to marriage. First we had Sarah Chapman come and share her experience of learning about how the female sexual experience happens.
Then yesterday, Amberly of A Prioritized Marriage shared some really fun date night ideas. Today, Sarah is back talking more about how we, as women can learn about how our body works and tap into better intimacy with information on the Female Sexual Response Cycle.
If you haven’t read Sarah’s first post, you can check it out here. Also, if you would like to learn more and potentially join her Facebook group text, HEALTH to 801-505-9750. Onto Sarah’s post:
How a woman experiences sexual response is unique to them. It’s normal for a women to spend more time in one phase than another, experience the phases in different sequences, and/or not to experience all of the phases during a sexual experience.
So let’s jump in, shall we?
Women are empowered to create the mood rather than waiting for the mood by doing the three T’s which are talk, touch and time to prepare themselves mentally and physically.
For women we LOVE emotional connection and to enter this phase this connection needs to happen first. So talking and sharing with your man what’s on your brain or your running to do list is important. I like to call it a brain dump where you share all the things on your mind. Because I’m sure you’ve thought about taking out the trash or moving your clothes to the dryer while having sex, right?
I’ve personally found that for me when Trent is an active participant in the household responsibilities, aka doing the dishes, he is filling up my love tank.
Do you know each other’s love language? If not go take the free test here.
As men learn to view their active interest and participation in the home and family as an integral part of their wives ability to engage sexually, both spouses’ needs will be better fulfilled. This assistance can ease a wife’s load and free her to relax and engage in some of the warmup.
Prepare the environment not only for yourself but for him. Attention to personal hygiene can make a huge difference. Let him know what you like, for example, clean shave, lotion to soothe skin, brushed teeth, etc.
Men, connect with her emotionally before penetrating. This may take some time but when you do more for each other outside the bedroom the more present you can be in the bedroom.
Women are like water, its slow to take affect. It takes a long time to create a beautiful canyon because it needs water, right? We take a long time to warm up but we can stay turned on for longer. However men are like fire. They burn through the forest quickly and get to orgasm and then are extinguished almost immediately.
So, for those women who thought you weren’t sexual, it may be that you have always been sexual, but just didn’t understand that you needed sexual stimulation and arousal before sexual desire could occur.
Every person has erogenous areas that when touched or stimulated increase sexual arousal. What are your hot spots? What is pleasurable and what is a turnoff?
As a couple you must share what you find pleasurable and what is a turnoff. Let each other know. How will he know what your feeling or what you want him to do if you don’t tell him or show him? Women can also teach without words as they guide their husbands hands, or moan their approval of particularly pleasing caresses or activities.
You are the foremost sexual teacher for your spouse. Only you can teach him what you want.
Excitement or arousal is considered to be the combination of mind and body. A woman who does not engage in foreplay may not increase her arousal enough to prepare for comfortable sexual activities like intercourse.
The amount of time spent during foreplay will vary from person to person and situation to situation. There is no such thing as too much foreplay as long as both partners are enjoying themselves. Unfortunately, people can and often do engage in too little foreplay.
Part 3 – Desire
Desire or libido, is the yearning, want or interest in initiating or responding to sexual advances. Desire is commonly identified as the first phase in the human sexual response. Common sense tells us that’s so. But your body needs to make the connection first before your brain can connect.
Women say they need to:
‘Feel in the mood for sex’
‘Feel connected to their partner’
‘Feel attractive, sexy or desirable’
‘Have a romantic environment’
And while this is what women say, research has shown that desire depends on:
- An ability to become aroused – you suppress your body from feeling anything
- A healthy attitude toward sex – you may be blocked because of your beliefs
- Proper sexual functioning – be sure to see a doctor for health related issues
So when a woman is experiencing low libido or loss of desire, one of these three components has more than likely been impacted. Those three things KILL desire.
Part 4 – Orgasm
Some women regard orgasm as unnecessary because of their difficulty or inability to experience it, or because of the skill, time and effort it may require. But God created women with the capacity not only for orgasmic expression, but also the capacity to experience MULTIPLE orgasms.
Orgasm might also be described as pleasurable sensations that slowly build, until the sexual tension bursts into a shooting star throughout the body.
The important question for many couples is not so much what an orgasm is, but how to create it. Lovemaking is an art that requires knowledge, practice and skillful application of what is pleasurable and sexually arousing.
Part 5 – Afterglow
Afterglow is a time when you’ve finalized the orgasm. So go and clean up but you’ll come back together and hold each other naked. The body feels absolutely quiet.
Psychologically the person feels completely satisfied, at peace with the world because the blood flows away from the genitals.
While the man may be tempted to roll over and fall asleep, he needs to remain attentive and loving throughout the afterglow, sharing this moment of closeness with his woman.
You are emotionally, spiritually and physically content-even if it’s only for a few moments.
This last step was a game changer for our marriage. I got to connect with Trent again emotionally at the tail end of my cycle because we talked about us and what we want to experience next time. We talk about our relationship and ask questions about our intimacy with one another.
I’m just barely scratching the surface here with this news and understanding of the process a women’s body goes through to have a sexual experience. To get access to the information and resources I found most helpful understanding this cycle more deeply, text the word, HEALTH to 801-505-9750.
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