With this month being my anniversary month, I have a few posts lined up about strengthening marriage. And today, I am honored to have a guest post from Sarah Chapman from the Facebook Group, Sexual Health with Sarah, sharing her journey of learning to feel comfortable and enjoying marriage intimacy, especially as a Christian woman.
I personally grew up in a home that was open about sex so I have been able to have a fulfilling and enjoyable sex life. But I know that often, especially for Christian women, that is not the case. When my husband and I have struggled in our marriage, our sexual intimacy was at least one way we could connect and bond. It has strengthened us and helped us express love in a unique and fulfilling way. Because of this, I firmly believe that marriage intimacy is a vital part of marriage and adds to the relationship greatly. And for all these reasons, I am so grateful for Sarah’s willingness to share her journey. So I’ll let her now share her story.
How to Improve Your Marriage Intimacy
I’m Sarah Chapman and the first 16 of my 18 year marriage I had a belief that sex was dirty and wrong and it was “for my husband”. It was the thing we argued about most in our marriage. I felt like my husband was always trying to fix me, to get me to enjoy sex, but I would just interpret it as his way to get more sex.
For years I thought I was alone in this. I wanted to be the “good girl” that honored God, but couldn’t figure out how to be the good girl and enjoy sex, because of the misunderstandings and beliefs I had about sex.
As years went on I wondered about the appropriateness of sexual relations within my own marriage. I convinced myself it was ok when we were trying to get pregnant, because that is the purpose of sex, right? I believed that any ‘extra’ sex for pleasure was dirty.
The false beliefs about sex had held me captive for most of my marriage.
In the summer of 2017 I finally had enough. I felt ashamed and desperate and didn’t want to suffer anymore. I finally opened up to a friend about it. She and I had similar views about sex as married women, but she had decided to read books and pour over every blog, article, and expert column that talked about physical intimacy. She invited me to do the same and at first I recoiled in fear. “What if I read something inappropriate? What if I found that I really liked sex and become a sex addict?” Yeah… my mind was really searching for a reason NOT to learn how to improve my sexual relationship with my husband.
In the end, I trusted her and began my journey of understanding sex and my body. I did run into questionable material as I tried to find the answers I so desperately sought, but I set aside those things and kept my focus on learning how my body works and how to improve my sexual intimacy in my marriage.
By reading and learning about how my sexual organs work, by understanding how my sexual response cycle is different from my husband’s, I started to gain confidence. I realized I was not broken and not that different from other women. I could clearly see that men and women are very different, not only in our sexual organs, but in how we get turned on and what is needed to become aroused.
By questioning my old beliefs about sex I realized that sex was created by God, not only for procreation, but for pleasure and bonding. I allowed myself to release the shame I held around wanting or enjoying sex and opened up to exploring my body with my husband. I accepted pleasure and sought the deep emotional bond that comes from this unique physical act that he and I share alone.
I know that in most Christian homes and marriages, sex is not talked about. Through my own journey, my goal has become to help more couples find connection and bonding through healthy sexual connection instead of arguing and feeling unloved and misunderstood. This usually starts with understanding and talking more openly about sex with your spouse.
For those who might be lost and looking for where to even start, like I was, I’m here to share some of the information and resources I found most helpful for getting me through this difficult time in my marriage. To get access to that resource, text the word, HEALTH to 801-505-9750.
I am very passionate about this topic and I set out to create a safe, appropriate, and comfortable environment for women to learn about their bodies and how to better their sexual health and enhance their relationships.
It is hard for me to express in writing how much this knowledge about sex has changed my life! My desire for sex and the connection that I now feel from it has increased. My connection and bond with my husband is stronger than either of us imagined was possible. This connection in our marriage grows deeper through authenticity, vulnerability, and great sex.
We need to talk about sexuality, but in a healthy way. The morality of our families and our children depend on our discussions of sexuality. We cannot expect our children to have the ability to respect their sexuality if they do not understand it, and they will never morally understand it without our ability to be knowledgeable, understanding, and open about it.
We cannot be knowledgeable, understanding, and open about it if we are uneducated ourselves or refuse to learn because it may feel uncomfortable at first.
As I read more about sex I began to think, “Could my problem be the story I tell about the problem?”
I’m not here to suggest you read 30+ books on the subject like I did, but I do have a resource for you that I’ve created where I share in small doses what I’ve learned and continue to learn; I am in the final stages of writing a book about the misconceptions about sex that plague many women (especially Christian women) and how to overcome them to have strong, healthy sexual connection with our spouses.
Come learn with me by texting the word, HEALTH to 801-505-9750.
In a future guest post I’ll share what happens to the female body before, during, and after sexual activity. Have you ever thought about all the steps that precede even getting turned on and what actually needs to happen for your body to reach climax and orgasm? It seems that over 80% of the women I talk to have never heard about ‘The Female Sexual Response Cycle’. Stay tuned for more information that will blow your mind and help you educate your spouse on improving the sexual experience for both of you.
The sexual response cycle describes the physical and emotional changes that women go through as they become sexually aroused. Learning and understanding the phases of the female sexual response cycle will help you identify what phase or phases you may be struggling with. So I am excited to be guest posting again with more in-depth information.
If you have struggled with intimacy or are curious about how female bodies work, Sarah’s next post should be empowering and educational. If you would like more information right now, once again, text HEALTH to 801-505-9750. You can also join her closed Facebook group, Sexual Health with Sarah. She shares information and education there as well as to how you too can get comfortable with intimacy.
Stay tuned for the rest of this week where there will be another guest post about fun and unique dating ideas. We should have Sarah’s second post go up about the female sexual response system. I plan to share a post with all my free heart printables like the one on this post.. And then later in the week I will be personally sharing some of the things my husband and I have done to work on our marriage. Also keep an eye out on my Instagram for a marriage themed giveaway!