I have a confession. I sometimes feel small.
It’s easy to get lost in the grand parade. Scrolling online, it’s like a grand procession of floats and banners waving one after another. And it is beautiful because there are amazing people out there. And for the most part, I watch and feel inspired. But every once in a while, I do feel small.
One of my goals for a while has been, to be happy enough with my own joy that I would be able to admire others happiness. Part of this mindset includes owning my own actions and choices knowing that this is my life. It’s mine. And my happiness is my own and mine to take ownership of.
And another aspect of this is being content with my life knowing the accomplishments and status of my life is enough for my happiness. This is not to say that my life is perfect because no life is. But that even without perfection or completion of this milestone or that coveted “thing”, I have happiness. And if not, I am capable of changing my life or at least learning and growing. I can choose happiness. I can choose my future.
It has been an empowering mindset. One that has allowed me, even during my hardest moments, to not be defeated. It has given me the courage to speak at conferences, teach classes, and write here. And for the most part, it has sustained me in the world of social media. But I must admire, that I sometimes still feel small.
In the land of young entrepreneurs, boss babes, and hustle it is easy to feel forgotten. I was invited to a women’s retreat in the mountains where there were some of the most accomplished women I’ve met in my life. There they were with million dollar businesses and millions of followers. And there was I, small.
This retreat did fill my cup and recharge me. And even though the majority of the event the other women were more than friendly, the fact that I felt small and sometimes do from time to time, has made me evaluate these questions:
- Why do I feel small?
- Why do I feel like I am not needed?
- Why do I want to give up?
The conclusion I have come to is:
Because it is easy.
It is easy to shrink into the shadows and let others perform when the spotlight feels full.. It is easy to crawl back into my hole and say, “There are others more talented. There are others more networked. There are others more needed. I am not needed. No one will miss me.”
And by no means do I say that what you are doing in not enough. There is a time and season in our journeys and that is for you to decide and own after all. Remember?
But if your inner light is bursting, if you feel called to do something hard, if you struggle every day not to give up, know, that you are needed. Don’t give up.
As I have considered these feelings and thoughts I have came to a few conclusions. One being that it is normal and maybe even beneficial to feel small from time to time. And two, that the negative association with feeling “small” is not correct. And I decided I can be small and MIGHTY.
The size of your light does not matter. You are needed. There is not a max number of happy posts on social media. There never will be too many happy families in the world. And I will tell you, there is evil in the world. And there is a lot of sadness and darkness. And if we stop sharing our light and our good, that is what will be left.
Before blogging I was creatively starved and didn’t know it. I would redecorate my home buying lamps, and frames, and knick-knacks from thrift stores and spray painting, wrapping, and repurposing. I even once had a friend tell me how much she admired artists not knowing that I was an artist at my core.
And it hit me. No one knew. But I knew, I had something to give the world. I a light that was hidden and bursting at the seams. Sharing my light has been one of the more validating and fulfilling paths in my life. And it has made me realize we should never hide our light.
We are lights. We are made to shine. I doesn’t matter if I am small. My new goal is to take this little light of mine and LET IT SHINE. “Never underestimate the influence of woman.”1 Don’t underestimate yourself. We each have something unique to give to the world whether our influence with our family, friends, or community. Each of us is needed. We each have a life mission. And it all matters big or small. So what is yours?