We all have ups and downs in life. Everyone. I haven’t met a single person who doesn’t have bad days, or bad moments, or pain. And yet, for some reason, in my deepest moments of sadness I have felt alone. And I’ve felt like my sad moments couldn’t be shared. If I share the deep pains I was feeling, everyone would know.
|Photos by Lisa Miller. Clothing from JaKaiy Clothing and Gigi Pip. Models are Sandy and Blakely.|
They would know my life has really hard moments. Some moments in my life, even this last year, have made my stomach turn. These painful emotional moments have ached inside my chest to point that I almost couldn’t breath. I have felt these emotional wounds physically. Other times I have felt like there was some unseen force squeezing my whole self. And if any more pressure was put on me, I might just pop or like a computer, shut down. And through these moments of sadness and depression I have had to fight out of them.
Now, before I go on, I want to pay special attention to the fact that I know many friends and even family who struggle to this day with depression. And their cases require medication and even therapy. I love them. And the moments of sadness I experience make me admire these humans who suffer everyday with these feelings. These are real warriors. It’s one battle to fight another human or even force. But to fight your own self and your own mind is courageous. And those loved ones, I admire.
So this being said, I wanted to share some of the actions I have taken when I find myself feeling a down.
1. Do a self inventory.
Before anything I try to be self aware. This hasn’t been the easiest thing to do as I often find myself feeling validated in my feelings. So I ask myself, “How am I feeling emotionally, physically, spiritually, and socially?” Like at this current moment, I am feeling emotionally exhausted from an argument with my husband and physically tired because I only got five hours of sleep. So though my reason to be upset may be validated, those conditions are probably inhibiting me from handling this moment the best I could. I should probably go to bed.
2. Find truth.
Ok, now that I have looked inside. I try to think of whatever is the root of my sadness and decide what is truth. I feel like this step is also hard. Heck, emotions are hard. That’s why people escape and no one wants to talk about them. Well look at a situation and say, “Yes. I was wrong in how I said that to my husband.” I try not rationalize. Also hard. I try not to minimize my behavior or validate it. Own what you’ve done. Own others actions. Own that you are affected by others. Own that you are imperfect. This is all mantras I tell myself. What is truth in your moment of sadness?
Part of owning this truth, for me, is recognizing the good in my life or feeling gratitude. In truth, as hard as a moment may be, I can say, “I have a house. I have more than one car. I have a full fridge. I have cute clothes. I have a husband. I have toys for my kids. I have parents who would do ANYTHING for me. I have a job. I have joy in my talents. You get the idea. Even though the moment may be truthfully hard. I have a TON of things to be grateful for. And when I focus on that truth, like really realize how much good I have, I feel a little better.
3. Change your surroundings.
Sometimes I just need some fresh air and to get outside of my house. For me looking up at the sky and seeing the clouds the sunlight feeds my soul. Maybe this doesn’t work for you. But boy, oh boy, getting outside, especially in nature, just soothes my whole self. Connecting with the world makes me realize the beauty on this earth. Even going out for pizza with the kids makes me happier.
4. Take care of yourself.
So remember when I suggested checking in with your self? Well, now it’s time to put that first. Do you need a break from your kids? I try really hard to not feel mom guilt about this because I know if I take an hour to get some ice cream I will be a better mom because I will have taken care of myself. So make sure to go shopping or hiking or bake.Your needs are important. You are important. Do something you love without any other motive.
5. Call a friend and talk.
Sometimes I just need to vent. Thankfully my little sis is the best and will let me just call without judging me. I hope, if you need it, that you have someone who can do this for you. And if you don’t email me. I also recently created a facebook group called, “Mom Rant” where moms can without judgement. I have found that after I spill my guts about something making me sad, I feel better.
Ok the last thing is service. When I think of others more than myself, I usually feel a lot happier afterward. Seriously, it helps me so much when I am able to serve. My sadness feel smaller.
Now maybe you’ve tried all this and you’re still sad. Or maybe you just can’t. You can’t get out of bed. That’s ok. This isn’t about me saying, “I do this. So it should work for you.” I might not. But the reason I write this today is so more people know that these sad moments are real all the time for me. And I work darn hard to share happy moments when I can. But I never want anyone to think my life is watercolor butterflies and Popsicles.
Life is hard my friends. Keep going. And if today was a hard one. There is always tomorrow. May you find peace and happiness eventually, whatever moment you’re in. Much love to you.